


Common Denominators

by DarkAnsalong



Category: A Sound of Thunder - Ray Bradbury
Genre: Asperger Syndrome, Explicit Language, Gen, Hunting, Mental Health Issues, Minor Violence, One Shot, POV First Person, Present Tense, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-23
Updated: 2013-04-23
Packaged: 2017-12-09 06:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/770940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAnsalong/pseuds/DarkAnsalong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before there was Eckels, or the presidential election, or a butterfly that ruined the present by altering the past, there was Travis and Lesperance: two hunters that, some way or another, would up to be time traveling hunting partners. This is their story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Common Denominators

**Author's Note:**

> Alright I have no excuse for this. I just reALLY LOVE these two and I had this really long headcanon for how they met so I decided to write it out! ;V; Uhh yeah enjoy!

“Next time you get angry, I want you to use this.” I blink, staring at the notebook in the doctor’s hands and not particularly understanding what she means. She sighs. “They say writing is a good way to calm the mind. So… write. When you get angry, don’t hurt anyone, just take the notebook out and write down your feelings. Even when you’re not angry, getting your thoughts out is a good idea.”

I stare at her doubtfully. “I don’t write. I’m a hunter.” Or at least, I used to be. I fold my arms, feeling my glasses slip down my nose, but having much too large an ego to change my posture at all to fix them.

Shaking her head, the doctor heaves a slightly irritated sigh. “Mister Travis,” she begins. I don’t like her tone. It makes me feel like she thinks I’m a child, or some misbehaving animal. “You are twenty-eight years old now. Because of your anger issues, you’ve been asked to take an ‘indefinite break’ from your job, right?” I nod, feeling suddenly ashamed. I hate this, how she tries to invoke guilt. Who does she think she is?! “It’s obvious that you cannot do this on your own, so I suggest you take my advice to heart.”

I open my mouth to respond, but before I can say a word she’s shoved the notebook in my face. I sigh, aggravated. But there’s no use in arguing, I realize, bitterly yanking the book from her grasp. “Fine,” I mutter, looking away and feeling as though a serious blow to my ego has been dealt.

XXX

Monday, September 13,

It’s been almost a year since he died. Time Safari says I’m welcome back as soon as I’m ready. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready, though. Hunting is risky business. Don’t want more death.

I breathe a sigh as I stare at my own writing, hating it. What else am I supposed to write about, though? The doctor said that during our next appointment she would skim through the notebook to make sure I was actually using it… Taking a deep breath, I roll over, using my pillow as a surface to continue writing on.

Wish I had paid better attention. Maybe he wouldn’t have died. Shouldn’t have freaked out like that. I’d love to do the whole thing over someday. Too bad time travel doesn’t work like that.

I pause again. My words feel empty and meaningless, and I question how in the world this is supposed to be making me feel better. I push my glasses up and shake my head, and try once more to write something I’m relatively proud of.

I miss it, though. Going back in time, being relied on, hunting what no hunter had before. Hm.

I don’t want to write anymore, I decide. Not tonight. Now I’ve got an awful heaviness in my heart and an aching pit in my stomach. I sigh again and close the book, placing it on the bedside table. My glasses follow not long after, and I turn over, lying on my side and staring at the wall. My therapist doesn’t know about my insomnia, but I feel like telling her will only make our relationship worse.

Humming softly, I try to distract myself. That stupid notebook did nothing but make me even more upset, I think bitterly, wetting my lower lip. I need to sleep, I know. I need to find a way to get rest. Back when I was a hunter, I remember, I would all but drop dead each night, exhausted. A smile briefly flickers over my features, and I close my eyes. But sleep doesn’t come for a very long while.

XXX

I’m awoken by my phone, which is ringing and buzzing in the living room. Getting up and tripping thanks to my still-sleeping limbs, I struggled to make it to the living room in time to answer. The facts that I’m only half-awake and practically blind without my glasses, which are still on the bedside table, make for a very bad combination. I growl and snap into the phone, “Hello?!”

Much to my surprise, I’m greeted by the voice of Lance, an older man who works at the office. The Time Safari office. “Ah, hello, Mister Travis! It’s been awhi-”

“Just Travis,”

“P- Pardon?” He sounds almost like he’s trembling, I think, rolling my eyes. I can’t remember any particular situation, but I’m sure I yelled at him many times in the past. He’s probably scared of me, I think with a roll of my eyes. But he should not be taking it so personally, I tell myself. After all, I yell at everybody.

“Just Travis is fine, Lance. No need to add ‘mister’. I go by my surname, remember?” I know it’s been awhile, but it bothers me quite a bit that he forgot.

Sighing, Lance replies, “Oh, r- right. Well, ah, how have you been, Mis- er, I mean, Travis?”

I roll my eyes and resist the urge to just hang up. I don’t want to be reminded of Time Safari anymore, and talking to people associated with it is angering me. “Cut to the chase, Lance. Why the fuck did you call me?!”

Lance sputters for a moment, stammering in a manner that I find somewhat pathetic. Finally, he clears his throat and says, “I need you to c- come down here. As soon as possible, preferably.”

Blinking, I process this request for a moment. They had already sent an email a few days ago… but it had been a very formal message, saying that I was welcome to come back at any time, that nothing was being held against me, that everything I had done was totally forgettable. There had been something about it that had felt extremely deceptive to me. But this… this seems different. It’s an actual phone call from an actual person. “Why?” I ask, tone noticeably and embarrassingly softer than before.

“It’s a long story,” Lance answers. I growl in a threatening manner, but he does not elaborate any further. “Just be there, okay?” I want to ask more, want to know why he did this and what his intentions are, but I can’t, for with a cry of, “Come down to the office tomorrow!” he suddenly hangs up. Irritated, half blind, and still awfully tired, I end up throwing the phone to the ground. It lands on the carpet with a soft thud.

XXX

I cautiously open the door, and the familiar creak that follows makes me nostalgic in the worst possible of ways. I awkwardly adjust my glasses, pushing them up, and look around. Time Safari’s front office is totally empty today. Empty, that is, except for the woman at the desk. She smiles politely, but I do nothing but growl and look away. She’s new, hired sometime after I left. I’ve never seen her before.

When she speaks, her voice is crisp and clear and it annoys me greatly. “Can I help you?” she asks cheerfully. I grunt and make my way over to her.

“Yeah, ah… my name is Russel Travis.” My own name feels odd to say, and I make a face as though I’ve just bitten into something sour. “I used to work here?” I watch as she rolls her chair over to the computer, which is sleek and shiny and new. She types a few things in, and a curious look crosses her slightly dark features.

“Your name is still in our records… According to my staff list, you still work here. Although…” She squints, leaning forward as though she’s spotted a speck of dust. “There’s a note by your name saying you’ve been sent on an… extended… break?”

I shrug, and for reasons I’m unsure of an almost cheerful feeling fills the usually-empty pit of my stomach. My job’s still here. I… I actually could come back… I swallow, and find my mouth is much dryer than usual. “Well, ah… I got a call from Lance about… something. Not sure what, honestly. But… yeah,” I chuckle awkwardly.

For a moment the woman stares at me, looking unconvinced. I don’t blame her. It must be odd, having a stranger show up with his name in the staff list and claim that he’s here thanks to a phone call. However, after a moment she nods and says, “Lance’s office is down the left hallway, second door on the right. I’ll let him know you’re coming.”

“That won’t be necessary,” I mutter, rolling my eyes as I walk past the woman and to the back, where the room splits into two hallways. I sigh, the familiarity making my stomach twist. To the left are the offices, as well as the staff kitchen and lounge. To the right, the time machines, hunting gear, and other actual hunting and time travel-related equipment are kept. This especially brings back memories, and I briefly wonder if my gun is still hanging in the preparation room.

Slowly, I turn, wanting to get this over with. I hate admitting it, but being here scares me. It reminds me of things I want to forget, and makes me feel… vulnerable. I make my way down to the hallway, my footsteps echoing around me. When I get to Lance’s door, I take a deep breath, willing myself to not get angry no matter what, and open it. When I step inside I’m greeted by the sight of Lance, sitting behind his desk and smiling brightly at a rather small, feminine figure with long black hair… but I’m pretty sure they’re not female.

“I’m here,” I state, words dry. Lance looks up at me, and the stranger turns. It’s definitely a man, just a very girly one. His eyes are a bright gold and I can only stare at them for a moment before feeling as though they’ll burn me. It’s as though sunlight itself has somehow become trapped in them.

Lance waves, and I can tell he’s shocked that I actually showed up. “Ah, Travis, hello! I, er, want you to meet someone.” He turns to the girly stranger and nods, and said girly stranger stands up and walks over to me. I stare at him for a moment. He’s Asian, or of Asian descent, and his hair is long and dark, nearly to his hips. A rather shy smile is on his face.

“Hi!” he greets. I can’t tell if he has an accent or just sounds odd in general.

“Hey,” I reply, rolling my eyes. “Name’s Russel Travis, although I prefer to go by my last name.”

The other chuckles at this, and I can tell he’s rather hesitant to answer. He looks shy, I think. “My name is Lesperance Xien, and I prefer to go by my first name.” I snort, and he cautiously extends a hand. I do not shake it. He swallows and glances back to lance, before saying, “I’m, ah, twenty-four years old and learned to hunt as a child, with my father’s help. I love it.”

I raise an eyebrow, but before I can say anything, Lance interrupts with, “Twenty-four! Impressive, hm? Weren’t you twenty-five when you joined?” I grunt and roll my eyes, annoyed with the comparison. He seems to see just how bothered I am, for he now changes the subject, telling me, “Lesperance wants to be a safari guide, Travis. But… he’s too young and inexperienced. So we want to make him an assistant instead.”

These words cause a very odd emotion to fill my chest. I stare at Lesperance, a frown on my lips. He seems innocent, I think. Delicate. Time Travel would ruin him, drive him to insanity, possibly even kill him. And I don’t want anyone else to get hurt. “No,” I mutter. Lesperance’s eyebrows rise. “It’s too dangerous. Don’t risk it.”  
Lesperance swallows, teeth sinking into his lower lip. He hesitates again before telling me, “I’ve been… seeing a therapist nearly all of my life. It’s a long story, but, er… my past is sort of troubled. Hunting is the only thing that really helps me. And I majored in history, so time travel… it would be so wonderful. And I know what I’m getting myself into, I really do. But it… it would be worth it.”

I growl, these words hitting much too close to home and reminding me way too much of myself. Nothing is worth risking your life out there, I think. “Do you have any family members? Loved ones?”

“Ah, my mother and father and sister…” Lesperance stares at me, looking confused. The word ignorant comes to my mind, and I take a step forward. He shrinks.

“That right there is why you shouldn’t do this! You have a family. Look, you’ll die out there, Lesperance.” I don’t like how easily his name rolls off of my tongue.  
For reasons I’m unsure of, the girly hunter looks extremely offended. He stares at me, jaw dropped. Lance speaks up before anything ugly happens. “Travis, we know it’s dangerous. That’s… why we need you.”

“Me?” I repeat, not understanding. Is this a joke? I’m nothing but a safari assistant. In fact, I’m not even that anymore. Now I’m some maniac in a time travel office who has to go to therapy once a week, talking to an old man and a girly Asian with some sort of mental illness. “How in the world do I have anything to do with this?!”

Lance swallows, and glances around the office as though looking for a way out of the situation. Finally, he sighs and says, “Travis, we want to give you a… promotion of sorts. We want you to become a safari leader, and we want Lesperance here to be your hunting assistant.” Lesperance nods hopefully, swallowing. I don’t know what to say. One part of me is excited. I’m being offered the job of my dreams! But… I can’t. Because more death… more pain… I can’t let it happen. I blink multiple times, eyes traveling between Lance and Lesperance.

Then, finally, I murmur, “I’m sorry, but I can’t.” My eyes travel from Lance to Lesperance again, resting on the long haired man. “I’m sorry, Mister Xien, but while you may be okay with risking so much, I no longer am.” I turn to Lance. “I can’t accept your offer. I’m going home.” Much to my surprise, I almost want Lance to say something. I want him to argue with me, tell me that I’m needed, that I’m wrong. But he doesn’t. Instead, he sighs and gives a sad nod.

“Well, alright, then. Ah… it was nice seeing you again.” Lance smiles. I do not reply, and for a moment I am unable to move. I stand there, feeling empty and blank. And then I turn. I think Lesperance says something, but I do not catch it. For the first time in so long I do not feel angry. I’m just… hollow. With a soft sigh I exit the room.

XXX

I don’t get angry after that. I just become constantly empty. Everything I think about upsets me. I’m never hungry. Sleep becomes even harder to achieve. I try to find things that will distract me. I call friends, I go out places. I consider ordering plane tickets, flying out somewhere and doing something interesting, perhaps never returning. But not hunting. Not time traveling. I can’t do any of that stuff anymore. That will only cause more pain.

When I visit my therapist again, I tell her briefly of what happened. She gives me an unreadable expression and asks to see my notebook. I’ve only written a few pages, and most of the entries are along the lines of It’s a bit sunnier today. Tried taking a nap but couldn’t sleep. Ate some fruit earlier (September 17). She says I need to try harder, that I need to take her advice and help myself, that I can’t do this alone anymore. I consider walking out, or yelling at her, but I don’t have the will-power. So I just sit and listen and allow her to crush whatever ounce of pride I have left.

When I try to eat that night, I find that I feel sick to my stomach after only a few bites. I go to bed early, and end up having awful nightmares. They’re chaotic, with random images and people I know and once knew and odd, distorted places that I feel like I’ve been to before but at the same time feel unknown and mysterious and dangerous. Shadowy figures constantly move about, following me, whispering words that bring pain even though I cannot actually hear them. Colors flash, sounds echo. The whole world becomes warped chaos.

I wake up at four AM in a cold sweat, and can’t go back to sleep. Part of me doesn’t want to go back to sleep, worried that I’ll have more of those terrible dreams. So I simply lie there, trying to figure out where I went wrong, why the world hates me. Is it my fault? Is this karma? What’s going to happen? I end up falling into an uneasy sleep, and I don’t wake up again until nine. Someone’s knocking on the door.

I take a second to process this. Who could possibly be visiting?! I don’t remember inviting anyone over… With a sigh, I get up, picking up my glasses and putting them on. I’m still in my pajamas, which are dark blue and made of a rather fuzzy flannel and could probably be a good source of humiliation, but I don’t care. After all, they came over uninvited.

“Who is it?!” I call irritably, walking towards the door. The voice that responds causes my eyes go wide, and my mouth suddenly feels strangely dry.

“H- Hello, Travis, it’s me!” Lesperance. Lesperance is at my home at nine in the morning. I can’t process it. None of it even begins to add up. I blink, staring at the door and not doing anything. “Tr- Travis?” he asks after a moment. “Y- You are home, aren’t you?”

I roll my eyes, opening the door to find myself staring at the wannabe hunter. His long hair is pulled into a high ponytail, which does nothing to help his lack of visible masculinity. He smiles shyly and waves; I do nothing but snort. “What the fuck do you want?” I interrogate, tone coming across as extremely accusatory.

Swallowing, Lesperance plays with a strand of that long, raven hair of his, and I feel annoyance and anger bubble in the pit of my stomach for the first time in days. I’m not sure how I feel about this. “Lesperance, I was sleeping. And I don’t appreciate being woken up.” Sleep is hard enough for me to come by without disturbances like this! “So spit it out or get the fuck out of here!”

Lesperance chuckles, keeping his eyes off of my own. And then, he murmurs, “I wanted to talk to you, actually. Can… can I come inside?” he glances around the inside of the house, and for the first time in forever I feel extremely bad that my house is such a mess. And… maybe some company would be rather nice. It’s not like I have any plans today, after all. And I don’t even know why he’s here yet!

With a sigh, I open the door the rest of the way. Lesperance’s eyes brighten a bit. “Come inside,” I grumble. “I haven’t eaten breakfast yet, so you’ll have to talk to me in the kitchen or something while I prepare food. For myself.” I decide not to make Lesperance anything to eat. If he wants a warm welcome, he should not come over uninvited.

“Alright,” Lesperance agrees, pushing past me and into the house. He pauses, glancing around and looking rather unhappy with the quality of my house and how very, very untidy it is. I find myself, much to my surprise, feeling very guilty. “Ah… think you could lead me to the kitchen, then?” he chuckles nervously.

I roll my eyes and nod, stepping across the room and down a short hallway to the just-as-messy kitchen. I give a brief nod towards the table, which Lesperance sits down at. I now proceed to get breakfast started. After getting out bacon and two eggs, I ask, “So what did you want to talk to me about?”

I hear hesitance in Lesperance’s voice now. He chews on his lower lip and after a moment murmurs, “I talked to Lance… H- He’s how I found your house. But he told me… more about you.” I look up from the scrambled eggs I’m preparing to give the girly hunter a curious look. “Intermittent explosive disorder. That’s… that’s what you’ve been diagnosed with, right? It’s why you left Time Safari.”

I blink, not sure what to say. I want to yell at him, tell him that this is none of his business. I don’t like the word disorder, I think. Even if it is true, even if I can be intermittently explosive, I don’t like being given that label. “Shut up,” I snap. “Stay out of it, alright?”

Swallowing nervously, Lesperance keeps quiet for a moment. Then, with a deep breath, he tells me, “I know what it’s like to be in your position, Travis. I… I don’t know what’s wrong with me, though. Neither do my parents. Or the doctors. I… I mean, the doctors… have given me all sorts of labels. I’m… I have Asperger’s. I think. And I’ve been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder, Alexithymia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and Antisocial Personality Disorder. But none of these are… set in stone, seeing as other doctors have said that I don’t have any of these problems. But Asperger’s is usually a common denominator. Usually. Even that seems to be up for debate a lot of the time.” I turn, glancing at him and wondering what in the world this has to do with me. “And…” He takes a deep breath. “I know how it feels to lose a loved one. I… I know how you feel, Travis.”

The eggs end up burning. I freeze, eyes staring at nothing, mind momentarily not working. When I open my mouth, my throat feels too dry to actually make a coherent sound. I turn off the stove, and slowly turn. Despite having my glasses, Lesperance looks foggy and distant. “H- How did you… know about him?” I ask, voice cracking.  
Either not noticing my drastic reaction or not caring, Lesperance nods. “Your safari leader, right? He was attacked by a dinosaur during a trip to the past and ended up bleeding to death. You freaked out and were asked to take a break.”

Now, my tone is accusatory, and I feel a painful heaviness form in my chest. “How the $%@ do you know about any of this?!”

“L- Lance. I asked him about you and he told me everything.” Lesperance murmurs, face turning a bright red. “And I just… wanted to talk to you about it.” I don’t know how to respond. I feel hurt, betrayed. I don’t want anyone to know about me. Especially not Lesperance. Especially not this eager, life-filled, innocent kid that I can just tell will be destroyed if he were to actually become what he wants. Hunting’s too dangerous for people like him. It’s too dangerous for everyone.

I don’t even think about it as I transfer the eggs and bacon onto two separate plates. At first I don’t respond, my mind too filled with anger and pain, but after a moment I find myself muttering, “He was one of my best friends. Taught me everything I know about hunting and controlling my anger… Wanted to be just like him. But…” I hand a plate to Lesperance, and he stares at me with shock. I keep my eyes on the ground. “Hunting’s risky business, I guess…”

Lesperance hesitantly picks up a piece of the bacon, nibbling on it. I have absolutely no idea why I made it for him. Trying to not think about it, I walk to the corner, focusing on eating my own food and waiting for the girly hunter’s response. Finally, he tells me, “But there’s more to it than that. What happened?”

There’s silence. I keep quiet, eating the slightly burnt eggs I prepared. My body is shaking slightly, as I can see by the trembling fork in my hand. When I do speak, the words sound off and foreign, like they don’t belong to me. I sound different. “Once he was hurt, I started to panic. If… if I hadn’t freaked out like I did I probably could have saved him. And then, when we got back to the office, I just… snapped. Threatened to kill one of the hunters. Probably would’ve if I hadn’t been restrained.” Where are these words coming from?! It’s more than I’ve ever told my doctor or written in my notebook… “I had always had anger issues. I mean, I’d been diagnosed with IED when I was in high school. But it was more than that. I… I became an animal or something.

“After I cooled down, the guilt settled in. I should have been able to save him. It was my job as his assistant to keep a level head and keep everyone safe. And… I completely failed.” Are there tears in my eyes?! I feel pathetic, and embarrassed that Lesperance is seeing me in such a state. Setting the plate down on the counter, I take my glasses off and wipe away the tears that have somehow formed. Self-pity is engulfing me, and I feel weak and pathetic and helpless.

I’m dragged out of my own thoughts, however, when Lesperance murmurs, “My brother killed himself when I was fifteen. It’s… why I started growing my hair out. Chinese traditions say that cutting your hair is a sign of letting go of the past. And I… don’t want that. I want to hang on to everything.” I watch as he undoes the ponytail he’s put his hair up in, letting his onyx hair fall around his shoulders.

“That’s insane. It’s the past that keeps me in the state I’m in. It’s the past that causes me to hurt, causes me to be so, so angry. My problems won’t be solved until the past can be totally erased.”

“Not even a time machine can erase the past.” Lesperance says. And this time, I hear anger in his tone. “You’re going to drown yourself in sorrow and live an awful, sad little life if you can’t learn to accept the past. I know it’s hard, I really do. It’s hard to sit for hours upon hours in doctor’s offices as they try to figure out why I’m not a normal person. It’s hard to come home from school and find out that your older brother’s dead body is hanging from a tree in the park. Life is hard, Travis. But if I can do it, so can you. I promise.”

I sigh. It would be nice, to just be okay with the past. But that doesn’t feel possible. “Look, Lesperance, I appreciate your concern, but-”

Obviously not wanting to hear any excuses, Lesperance snaps, “Maybe it’s because you’ve chosen to run from your past rather than embrace it.” I’ve never heard a more accusatory tone in my entire life.

“R- Run from my past…?”

Lesperance rolls his eyes, and a look I haven’t seen before crosses his features. He’s angry. Really, really angry. “You won’t go back to Time Safari, even after being personally asked. And if it was just a personal choice I wouldn’t mind, but you… you’re being a coward! Lance said you loved to hunt. He said you used to be so excited every time you went on a hunting expedition. And now you’ve… you’ve run away from it all and… it’s insane!”

I don’t know how to respond. Lesperance’s words anger me, but in a way I haven’t felt before. I hear the truth in them. I realize that he’s actually… making sense. Much more sense than I ever have, at least. I heave an irritated sigh. “I can’t, Lesperance. I can’t go back. I’m sorry,” Do I feel bad? I’m not sure. My emotions don’t seem to be working right, and I can’t think straight for the life of me.

“Stop apologizing,” Lesperance snaps, standing up. “Maybe it’s luck, or a coincidence, or fate, but you and I are extremely similar. We’ve lost loved ones, we’ve been hurt and humiliated, we’ve had to deal with these parts of us that are always weighing us down. You and I, whether you like it or not, have a lot in common. And you know what?! I know we don’t know each other well, but I feel like I can relate to you. I know you. And I pity you. And… I want to help you.”

These words take a moment for me to process. I don’t know what they mean, or how I’m expected to respond. I’ve just met this kid! I hardly know him or anything about him. In fact, all I know is that he’s just arrived at my house, uninvited, and is trying to guilt me into hunting with him, I think angrily. With a growl, I hiss, “Shut the &@!%# up! You don’t know me, and I don’t need your help. Now I want you out of my house, alright?!”

Lesperance flinches, but looks generally unfazed. He takes a few deep breaths, and I watch as his tongue leaves his mouth to nervously run over his lower lip. Then, when he speaks, he turns away so as not to face me any longer. “How about this – we go on one hunting trip. We go to the past, help shoot down a dinosaur, and come home. That’s it. I’ll be your assistant, and… and we’ll work together.” he prompts, voice quiet and hopeful.

It sounds so tempting, I think with an aggravated sigh. I want to go back, I want to bring down pterodactyls and tyrannosaurus like I used to. I want to have fun, then go home and get a good night’s sleep. I want things to go back to how they used to be. But… still, there’s that doubt looming over me. What if one of us is killed?! What if I hurt someone? It bothers me, how conflicted I am. My stomach has twisted itself into a painful knot, which has somehow traveled to my throat. “I- I can’t, Lesp-”

“Stop saying that!” I jump as Lesperance’s tone becomes angry and loud. “Of course you can! You’re just too much of a coward to actually suck it up and get on your feet again.” He rolls his eyes and lets out a huff. “When Lance first told me about you, told me that I could be your assistant, I was so excited. I looked up to you. You were my hero before I had ever even seen your face.” He sighs. “B- But now I know the truth. You’re no one to be idolized, you’re just… pathetic.”

These words sting, reopening old scars and creating a few fresh, painful new ones. I swallow, throat sore and stomach twisted. Is… he right? I can’t go back, right? I could hurt someone, or get hurt myself. I can’t. I can’t. The words echo repeatedly in my head. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.

And yet… I stare at Lesperance. I think over his words. I remember how wonderful it felt, being out there where truly no man has been before, shooting creatures that were lost eons ago. I miss it. I miss it so much more than even I can comprehend or admit. And I want to go back out there. My eyes travel to the floor, and I feel a bit of heat rise on my cheeks. My mouth opens, but for a moment no words come out. And when I do finally speak, my voice is quiet and strained and filled with hesitance.

“One t- trip. We… we take one trip, and that’s it.” Why?! I shouldn’t be agreeing to this. Panic swells up inside of me at the very thought of doing this. I’m going to die. Lesperance is going to die. The time stream will be ruined. The world is going to end. Perhaps if I was in a better state of mind I would tell myself to calm down, but I’m not. I can feel my heart slam against my chest and my breathing echoes around me, soft and raspy and quick.

Despite my hesitance, despite the obvious terror I’m experiencing, Lesperance’s eyes brighten at my words. “Alright, good.” he says casually, picking up the small band he was using to keep his hair up and once more doing so, tying it into a high ponytail. “Thank you for breakfast.” I grunt and roll my eyes, and he lets out a hum. “I’m going to go back to Time Safari now. I’ll call you later when a time and date is set for the expedition!”

I decide not to ask how he knows my phone number. He probably got it from my Time Safari profile, I think, not sure I’m happy that he has access to such information so very easily. “Fine. I’ll talk to you later, then.”

Giving a very brief departing message, Lesperance leaves. For a moment I’m unable to do anything. Old thoughts have resurfaced, new ones have appeared, and my mind is spinning at a billion miles per hour. I can’t think straight, or even process what has just happened. Now that Lesperance is gone, an odd loneliness has filled my chest. And yet at the same time I’m relieved, glad to be back with nothing but my own thoughts, no longer dwelling on the past.

Too confused to really think straight, I end up stumbling over to the couch. Most of my day is spent watching television and trying to contemplate the future.

XXX

It’s two days and a panic attack later that I find myself at the doors of Time Safari, Inc. once more. I feel empty and terrified as I walk inside, my nerves on fire and causing me to tremble slightly. Lesperance had called the day before, saying that we would be taking two men to shoot an Allosaurus. He had told me to meet him in the prep room, where guns and suits and things of the sort can be found and equipped.

I make my way past the woman at the front desk, who seems to recognize me from before seeing as she waves brightly at me. I ignore her and walk down the hallway. When I reach the prep room, I’m greeted by Lesperance, who is already equipped with one of the standard rifles and dressed in the Time Safari’s mandatory time travel suits. Lance is there as well, with a rather smug look on his face. I feel my stomach rise to my chest, and for a moment the three of us just stand there in silence.

It’s Lance who finally speaks up. He walks over to me, chuckling and patting my shoulder. I shrug him away, but this does not stop him from saying, “It’s so nice so see you again, Mist- er, Travis. The men you’re taking will be here in about half an hour. I’m sure you already know this, but I suggest you take this time to get all set up.” I nod and roll my eyes, and watch with relief as he departs shortly after.

I turn to the closet where the suits are kept, but before I can get dressed, I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn and see Lesperance, who has a gun in his hands that is not his own. My eyes go wide. It’s mine. It’s the gun that I had used, the one I had preferred. Technically it belongs to Time Safari, so when I left I had been forced to leave it here, but… I still think of it as my own. And seeing it here, it stirs… a new emotion inside of me. An odd, almost pleasant, nostalgic feeling.

“Lance told me that this was always your favorite. I cleaned it up and reloaded it for you.” Lesperance explains, handing the gun to me. I note with amusement that his face has turned a bit red, and those sunlight-like eyes of his make sure to stay away from my face at all costs.

Slowly, I smile. “Thanks,” I turn to the closet now, finding a suit my size and beginning to put it on. “Th- this is your first time traveling back, right?”

“Y- Yes…”

As I begin to button the shirt up, I start to think. What did my partner tell me when I first started? It hurts a little to think about him, I notice, but… I do my best to hide it, push it down. I don’t want those feelings here. Instead, I think of good things. And, through this, I manage to find the words I’m looking for.

“Stay safe,” I order. “Be aware of your surroundings. The past is amazing, but extremely dangerous. I’m the safari guide, so I’m in charge, but this can’t be done without you. You… need to keep yourself level-headed. And – er, especially – if I cannot. You, Mister Lesperance Xien, have a huge responsibility. But I think you’re capable of doing it.” Now fully dressed, I turn back to Lesperance. He’s staring at me, and now it’s my turn to blush slightly. He looks like he’s staring in awe. As though he’s just seen the face of… a god or something. It’s a strange reaction, and one I don’t feel as though I deserve in the slightest.

Slowly, the hunting assistant nods. “Okay,” he squeaks, swallowing. “I… I read about dinosaur anatomy before I came here today, by the way. So I know all about… where to shoot… and stuff…” He chuckles awkwardly.

I nod. “Good. Y- You can do this, alright? It’s… it’s actually really fun once you get out there.” Another small smile forms on my lips. The expression feels slightly unnatural, as if it’s been so long since I last made it that my body has totally forgotten how to.

I finish getting ready. Lesperance asks a few questions now and then, most of which pertain to the past, what to do in the past, and just how the process works in general. I realize I don’t particularly mind answering. I like this, I like being in charge, I like helping Lesperance… become a good assistant. Become my assistant. I’m nervous, too, though. Terrified, even. And I’m still very partial to the whole idea. But… I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I tell myself the same phrase repeatedly, only half believing it.

Soon, Lance comes in, and beckons us to another rather sickeningly familiar room. In it are two other men, both of them looking as nervous as I feel. But they are not what catch my attention. Adrenaline rushes through me as I notice it, the whirring, humming, blinking, shining piece of machinery. I give a distracted greeting to the men, introducing myself with nothing but my last name. Lesperance introduces himself with his full name and nods rather cheerfully. Lance then gives a few words about the danger that we’ll all be in, and warns us to never leave the Time Safari path.

Before I can comprehend any of this, we’re climbing into the time machine. I can’t believe it. Can’t believe that I’m back here again. And this time, I’m the safari leader. Once again, I begin mentally repeating those same words – I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can, I can, I can… My heart slams against my chest and my head spins, and even with glasses my vision is extremely blurry.

Lance, from outside of the machine, gives Lesperance directions concerning what to do. Oh, right, I think – it’s the assistant’s job to work the machine. Looking rather nervous, Lesperance takes ahold of the controls, staring at them. The anticipation all but kills me. Slowly, he does as directed, pulling a switch and pressing a few buttons. I suck in a breath and watch with disbelief as we begin traveling.

I cannot process it. I’m back. Back at Time Safari. Back in time. I watch lights flash all around me, thousands of years going past us, ripping and bending space. Silence is kept between us, Lesperance’s hand still on the controls and a look of nervous excitement on his face. I don’t know what to do. I’m hardly able to form coherent thoughts. The two men we’re taking hunting with us look terrified. But they always do, I think, remembering back to when I had been the assistant. Again, a twinge of sadness fills me, but I shrug it off.  
No. I have to forget about that now. I can’t let that keep on bothering me.

With a soft thud the time machine lands once more. I open the door to the machine, and we find ourselves right on the outskirts of a prehistoric jungle. I take a deep breath, wishing that the oxygen masks we wore allowed us to get a good smell of the place. I feel like I’m at home, finally back where I belong. Above us, flying monsters circle the heavens, and the occasional cry or screech can be heard. The jungle rustles and creaks with life. Life that only existed so long ago, that I have the honor now of seeing firsthand.

Trying to remember that I’m not here alone, I turn back towards Lesperance and the two men. “There’s a path that we are required to take into the jungle, laid out by Time Safari for our use. Another hunting assistant came here earlier and shot our allosaurus with a red paint gun, so we should recognize it the moment we see it. Listen, I don’t care what happens – you cannot leave the path. You could alter time, and get us shut down. Do you understand?” Both men nod. Lesperance hums softly. I don’t like the way I sound, to be honest. I was never in charge of saying this before, and I have no preplanned words. Hopefully I’ll have a chance to try again in the near future.

With this, we leave the machine, climbing onto the Time Safari path and following it into the jungle. I look around, mesmerized by it all. It feels like it’s been so long since I was last here. I really did miss it. I missed the sounds, and the colors, and just… the feel of it that nowhere else has.

After a moment, I become aware of Lesperance tapping my shoulder hesitantly. I turn, staring at him, and he takes a deep breath. “So… when we see the dinosaur… you… you shoot first. And then the others. And I’ll be here for… backup, okay?” He looks away.

I roll my eyes. “No way. It’ll take more than three shots to bring the thing down. You go first, alright?” I smile slightly, and Lesperance chuckles. He’s nervous, I realize. Much more nervous than he’s been letting on so far. I sigh and feel myself soften a bit. I was nervous the first time too. I’m insanely nervous now, even!

“Don’t worry. This will be fun, okay?” I say, eyes on the hunting assistant, who looks up at me incredulously at my words. “Allosaurus aren’t extremely dangerous. As long as no one panics or leaves the path, this’ll be easy.” I pat him on the shoulder. Slowly he smiles, and nods reluctantly.

“Alright. I’ll try.”

The conversation is cut short when a sound of footsteps suddenly draws near. Loud, echoing footsteps that seem to shake the entire earth. I feel that same rush of adrenaline course through me. Here it is. From out of the brush steps a giant beast. It’s reptilian in appearance; although feathers lightly cover it’s back and beneath its arms. Its jaw looks powerful enough to crush metal, with fangs that could bite through rocks as if they were nothing. Muscles cover its body, stretching out its scaly flesh and showing just how powerful it is. Its eyes, which are a piercing yellow, are empty and hollow. Only one thought seems to be on its mind – kill. It’s a killing machine. Grinning, I breathe, “There he is,” I nod up ahead. Lesperance’s face has gone totally pale, and I can see that he’s shaking like crazy. The two men who are on the trip with us are equally disturbed, and one of them looks as though he’s considering turning around. “Alright, listen,” My tone, although still soft, becomes commanding. “Dinosaurs have two brains, but we only want to aim for the one in the head. Lesperance gets the first shot. Aim for the eyes. Try and blind him. Then me. I’ll only shoot if Lesperance doesn't get its eyes out. Then you two go.” I pause and glance to the allosaurus. It hasn’t noticed us yet. “Look, you can do it. Just aim carefully, and keep calm.”

Lesperance nods, smiling weakly. I return the gesture, and with a motion of my hand we walk forward. Soon, the allosaurus notices us. It opens its powerful jaw, fangs dripping with saliva, and sniffs at the air. Its breath comes out in loud, ragged gasps. It steps nearer, and its claws, despite their small size, are sharp and look powerful enough to easily crush a man. A blotch of red paint stains its underbelly, marking it as ours. I chuckle softly and take a step back, aiming my rifle towards the beast. I watch carefully as it approaches.

Once I feel as though it’s close enough, I turn towards Lesperance. He’s quivering slightly, and his face has lost all of its color. He looks terrified. I chuckle. “You got this. Go on, shoot!” The allosaurus roars. It echoes around us, the vibrations of the thunderous cry causing the whole world to tremble. Lesperance lets out a squeak and nods, eyes narrowed.  
I take another step back. This was what killed my partner. Being out here like this. I could die. Lesperance could die. We’re risking our lives out here.  
But I don’t care. I love this. I love the thrill of it, the sight of the monstrous creature we’re about to take down. And I can do this. I’m certain of it.

A loud shot fires. Lesperance has shot the first bullet. It hits the dinosaur’s head, and it lets out a loud, deafening screech of agony and anger and hatred. “Keep shooting!” I snap when no other bullets are shot for a moment. “At this point we can’t even risk a second of downtime!” Another bullet flies forward, hitting the dinosaur in its upper stomach. It hisses and, despite seemingly injured, does not seem very daunted by the shot. It lunges down, its giant mouth opening as it throws itself nearer. It looks powerful enough to just… eat me. Swallow me in a single bite. I leap out of the way, and another bullet comes flying at the beast’s now-lowered head. It lets out another animalistic scream and struggles to move for a moment, but soon enough it’s back up, lunging at us again.

I’m out of practice, I realize after a moment. I’m scared, and suddenly feel extremely inexperienced. The creature rushes at me, probably only because I am the closest to it, and I just barely jump away in time to miss those life-threatening incisors. Lesperance lets out a gasp and a cry of, “Be careful!” and I roll my eyes, rifle aimed at the monster now.

Another bullet resounds. I don’t know who shot it, but I don’t think it’s Lesperance. One of the other men. Pain. Pain suddenly erupts inside of me, in my arm, my shoulder. I can’t think straight and the world turns blurry. A throbbing, ice-cold agony seems to fill my left arm. I scream… I think. I’m not sure. I’m not sure of anything anymore. But I can hear someone screaming, and it sounds like my voice.

Then I hear a voice. The words are unintelligible, my mind refusing to process their meaning, but it sounds… worried. Scared. Terrified. I don’t know why. It’s as though the sudden pain I’m experiencing has formed some sort of glass covering over my thoughts, my ability to comprehend things. More gunshots are fired, and a loud, hate-filled roar leaves the allosaurus. It falls with a sickening thud. My thoughts are hazy and I feel dizzy, like I’m about to fall over. I let out a weak groan and do just that, collapsing onto the metallic, floating trail.

Suddenly there are hands on me, arms wrapping around me. I hear words, voices. No, it’s a single voice. It’s quiet and nervous and saying words that I am still unable to properly comprehend, but they’re calming nonetheless. Calming… No, calming’s not the right word at all. Comforting, I suppose. Like for a moment I feel like I may be alright. I don’t know what happens exactly, but I suddenly feel myself being pulled up, into a standing position once more. I’m lead back through the trail. My thoughts are dim, my vision is blurry. The pain has subsided a bit and replaced with a dull, aching numbness that leaves me feeling empty. My feet are hardly even moving, it’s more as if I’m being dragged along.

More words are spoken. They may be directed at me, but I don’t know. They’re loud, threatening. There’s hatred and anger in them. I don’t really care. I just want it all to stop. The pain and fuzziness. And then… then I’m lying down, head slightly propped up by something. No, someone, I realize, noticing that I’m resting on someone’s lap. I hear more words, these ones gentler and soft. I manage to pick my own name out a few times, but most of it is just a jumble of sounds. But I feel a little better. My arm still hurts terribly, my whole body is numb, my head is spinning… but I feel calmer than before.

I close my eyes. Or maybe they’re already closed. At this point, I don’t really know or care. Exhaustion suddenly hits me like a wave, crashes down over me and totally shuts whatever part of my mind is still working off. I fall unconscious only moments later.

XXX

“Travis… he’s hardly… fell unconscious… out for… deep enough… more we can do… okay… wake up soon… hadn’t been for… Lesperance… Lesperance… allosaurus… almost killed…”

I’m woken up by voices. Soft, whispery voices that are quiet enough and far enough away that I only catch bits of what they’re saying. I don’t know where I am for a moment. My left arm feels numb, but heavy, and I realize that my shirt is off. I’m lying… in a bed. It’s rather stiff, and the sheets are relatively cheap, and after a brief moment I realize that I’m in the hospital. My eyes slowly open, and I’m greeted with a very blurry world, thanks to my lack of glasses and just general sleepiness. I see white all around me. The sheets, the pillow, the walls. Definitely a hospital.

With a weak groan I sit up, looking around. There are other beds beside my own, but they’re all empty. In the doorway are four people. They’re a ways away, and I have trouble figuring out who any of them are. However, after a moment my eyes land on a figure that, with the limited amount of vision I have, seems to be covered in long black robes. I blink, squinting. Those aren’t robes. Hair. Long black hair.

“Lesperance!” I cry, voice hoarse and weak. I see the figure turn, and before I can do anything he’s running towards me. He reaches me and I gasp with surprise as he wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a hug.

“You’re okay! Oh, Travis, I was so worried!” I don’t move or say anything, for a moment just allowing the other to hug me. After a moment he pulls away, and his eyes wander to my arm. I notice for the first time that my shoulder is covered in bandages. “Does it hurt at all? Do you feel okay?” he asks me.

I shrug, and find that this motion causes a surprisingly large amount of pain. “Y- Yeah, I’m fine. …I think.” I mutter. After a moment of silence, footsteps resound from the direction of the doorway, and I see the other people walking over. Two doctors are there, as well as Lance.

A tall, grey-haired doctor shakes his head and says, “You’re lucky to be alive. Twenty years ago, if you had been in that state for so long before getting to the hospital you’d either be dead or without an arm for the rest of your life.” He chuckles grimly.

Blinking, my still-foggy mind takes a moment to process this. “What… state? What happened?” I don’t remember much other than gunshots and that sudden pain. It had been so intense.

I stare between the people, and finally my eyes land on Lesperance once more, who sighs and murmurs, “One of the men… missed… and shot you in the shoulder. You immediately fell over and we just barely managed to take the dinosaur down and get you back to the machine before you passed out.” His voice grows soft and I can hear obvious worry in it. “I… I thought you were going to die.”

Lance speaks up now. “When they got back, Lesperance was panicking. Neither men would fess up as to who shot you, so we made both of them pay an extra fee and just sent them on their way.” Lesperance gives him a look as if telling him that this information has absolutely no meaning and that there are more important things to be telling me. “Ah, anyway, while I dealt with that, Lesperance rushed you to the hospital. That was… about four hours ago now.”  
Before I can really take all of this in, the other doctor says, “The good news is, things are looking much better now. We fixed up your arm, and within a month it should be as good as new.” I breathe a sigh of relief. Admittedly, I feel a little pathetic, allowing myself to get hurt like that. But at this point that’s the least of my concerns. I’m going to be alright. I’m going to be able to go out there again.

Lance breaks me away from my thoughts, chuckling and telling me, “I know you may be partial to it, especially after what just happened, but… you’re welcome to come back to Time Safari. We need as many guides as we can get. Once your arm is all healed up, of course.”

I stare at him for a moment. I’m scared of going back. I don’t want to die. Or to be hurt anymore. But… I want to. I want to go hunting, I want to take down those creatures. I want to be admired and thought of as powerful and strong. And I want Lesperance to assist me. A very small smile crosses my features. “Alright, I will.” I agree. I notice Lesperance’s eyes go wide at this, and a badly-stifled squeal leaves him.

Suddenly, the grey-haired doctor says, “You should rest. We’ll let you out of the hospital tomorrow morning, assuming everything goes well today, but until then you should focus on recovering.” He then turns to Lance and Lesperance. “I suggest we leave Mister Travis alone for now.”

For some reason, an empty pit seems to form in my stomach at these words. I don’t want to be left alone. Not yet. My mind is still racing and I feel like if it weren’t for my weak arm I’d be able to run a mile. “Ah… can I talk to Lesperance for a moment, actually? Alone?” Lesperance blinks, staring at me curiously. I ignore him and turn to Lance and the doctors, giving them a hopeful look.

The other doctor sighs and nods. “Alright, you have ten minutes. Then I want you to rest.” he turns and walks to the door. Lance follows, with the grey-haired doctor right behind. However, the latter turns suddenly, and calls, “Oh, Lesperance! Er, Doctor Reeves wanted me to remind you that you have an appointment with her on Sunday!”

Lesperance groans softly. “I know!” he snaps, and I stare with surprise. Lesperance… does not seem like the kind to snap. Especially not at a doctor giving him a friendly reminder. But then, I think back to what he told me earlier, how much he had gone through. Guilt and sympathy fills me. The doctor says nothing else, but soon turns and leaves as well, shutting the door and leaving me and the hunting assistant alone.

“Th- Thank you,” I murmur, struggling to find the right words to say. For some reason, a rush of self-consciousness hits me and I pull the hospital blankets up, not wanting to be shirtless around Lesperance. I frown. “And, ah… I’m sorry.”

Looking pleasantly surprised, Lesperance shakes his head. “It’s alright, Travis. I’m just glad you didn’t have to have your arm amputated or something.” He chuckles softly. I smile weakly, but keep quiet. He continues with, “And… I… I want to keep being your assistant, if that’s alright.” His eyes travel to the ground, and a faint rosiness forms on his cheeks.

I laugh. “Good, because I don’t know if I’d want anyone else but you to assist me.” He looks up with surprise at this, and I smile. “Look, Lesperance, I… can’t thank you enough. If it weren’t for you I’d probably still be at home moping around and complaining about how much life sucks.”

Lesperance fumbles with the front of his shirt awkwardly. “Well Lance is the one that-”

“Come on, Lesperance, cut that. You’re the reason I’m here.”

“The reason your arm’s all but dislocated.”

“The reason I’m actually happy again.” I counter, chuckling. Lesperance blinks, and for a moment there is complete silence between us. He keeps his eyes off of me, golden orbs instead traveling all over the floor and walls. I watch him for a moment, appreciating the way he fidgets awkwardly and occasionally bites down on his lower lip. “Really, thank you. I’d be honored to have you as my assistant.”

Finally, I watch as the girly hunter’s eyes travel upwards, meeting my own. I stare into his face for a moment, wishing I had my glasses on so I could see him better. He smiles feebly, and nods. “But you’re the one who… did it. The one who broke through and stood up on your own two feet again. You managed to get out of your past and move forward.”

For a moment I’m alright with these words, until another thought comes to my mind. I frown. “Y- Your hair, though…” He stares at me, looking confused. “You- You said you didn’t want to forget the past…”

Much to my surprise, Lesperance laughs. “The past can’t be forgotten or erased, Travis. And you have to learn to accept that. But you also have to learn fight out of the past, not hold on to it or let it hurt. Because the past does hurt, and it’ll ruin you if you try to cling onto the pain the past can have in it.” It’s my turn to stare, listening curiously to the words the other has to tell me. He sighs. “I should… probably get going now. The doctors want you to get some rest, remember? I’d hate to delay your recovery.”

I chuckle softly. “Y- Yeah, alright. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Lesperance nods, smiling as he walks to the door. Before he can exit, another thought comes to mind. Quickly, I call out, “Oh, wait, ah… what’s the appointment for?”

“Wh- What?”

For a moment I worry I’m treading into an area that’s too personal. But… I want to know more. “Ah… Doctor Reeves, I think? An appointment on Sunday?”

These words cause Lesperance’s face to flush. “Counseling,” he admits, voice going quiet. “I don’t like her as much as some of my other therapists, but… I dunno. She’s good enough, I guess.” He sighs, and I notice that same sympathetic feeling rise up inside of me. It’s been awhile, I realize, since I cared about anyone other than… myself.

“H- Hey, after your appointment on Sunday, call me, alright? We can get dinner or something.” I smile. Company would be nice, and… I don’t want Lesperance feeling down, I realize. Especially not after how much he helped me. And I know how hard it can be, having to sit there, be told how helpless you are and what has to be done to even make you relatively normal. I don’t want Lesperance in that situation.

“Okay!” Lesperance’s words suddenly sound as though they’re filled to the brim with joy. “Okay, I will. Thank you again, Travis!” I want to say something in return, thank him for everything he’s done. But before I get the chance, he’s turned and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him. I’m left alone in the hospital bed, sheets pulled up to my chest and eyes unfocused and blurry thanks to their lack of glasses.

I need to rest, I think. The doctors want me to. And I want to get out of here as soon as possible. I want to go back in time again, try again to shoot those dinosaurs. I want to try again. Like Lesperance said, I want to fight my way out of the past. And Lesperance will be there. I sigh softly and lay down, leaning towards my right so as not to put too much pressure on my injured shoulder. Much to my surprise, my eyelids immediately feel heavy, and I find myself struggling to stay awake. I’m exhausted. Perhaps not mentally, but physically.

For the first time in forever, sleep comes easily. I drift off to the thought of hunting, the thought of Lesperance, the thought of things being okay. No disturbing or twisted dreams fill my head. I don’t wake up in a cold sweat. I just sleep. And, for at least a moment, everything really is okay.


End file.
